10 things about breastfeeding I never expected

So heres a few things that have surprised me about breastfeeding.  All in good humour of course...

1. MY BOOBS MAKE MILK! WTF! Yeah this is still a novelty to me.

2. If I change my breast pads every feed, I don't need to change my bra right? No I really need a new bra...

3. Expressing milk is the most mind numbing thing you will ever do... especially at 3am in the dark. 20 minutes of trying not to fall asleep whilst keeping the pump going and attempting to use your phone screen to see if there's actually anything coming out or not....

4. That jealous boob feeling.  You feed with one boob and the other one starts leaking because he wants some action too.

5. That over excited boob feeling. My nipples seem to know when baby needs to feed before baby even knows she's hungry.

6. Feeling uber proud of myself that I managed to express 5oz in ten minutes. This mama is a MILK GODDESS!

7. Then crying because I just spilled said 5oz all over the kitchen counter. Considering trying to scoop it back into the bottle because that shit is too valuable!

8. Forceful milk letdown. I wondered what this was until I was feeding Reegan in the baby clinic that is held in a church, she started coughing and pulled off my nipple, causing milk to spurt about three feet over the edge of my seat and onto the bookcase next to me. "Oh jesus! *plugs nipple with muslin* Oh shit, you can say jesus in church! OH FUCK I JUST SWORE IN A CHURCH!!!"

9. Feeing upset when baby is sick because she is wasting my milk. Shouting at my other half when he jiggles baby because she might be sick and I will hold him personally responsible for any loss of liquid boob-gold.

10. The milk sweats. Ugh what even is that!! I smell like I haven't washed in a week!