I know for me its relatively early days yet, as I am only 21 weeks pregnant, but I think its something I need to talk about and other people should too.
As females, we are all pretty much doomed to hating the way we look and feeling uncomfortable in our own skin at some point in our lives. It's just what happens. Well, unless you are born lucky enough to be confident in yourself and how you look. For most of us learning to love ourselves is a huge learning curve that takes years if not our whole lives.
I always felt on the chubbier side when I was little, whether thats an accurate assumption or not it made me feel self concious. Then obviously when I got into my teens I really struggled with self image and also self harm, feeling like I was fat and not good enough. Being told by doctors alot that I was 'overweight' really didn't help. I look back now and feel silly because I think I looked fine then, much better than I do now!
Its only actually within the past couple of years that I have grown more comfortable in my own skin, and even though my weight still fluctuates most of the time I still feel fine. We all have our moments of doubt however. I think I was only 14 weeks pregnant when I weighed myself (something I NEVER do, I believe it encourages unhealthy thoughts and feelings towards oneself) I found I had gained two kilos and pretty much had a breakdown over it.
Its really hard to actually convince yourself that gaining weight during pregnancy is normal and healthy, and to just let it go. People mostly try and tell me I'm being silly and that I SHOULD be gaining weight, but then social media is always there whispering in the background. You see other people and their dieting successes and feel envious. And I don't even believe in diets or slimming clubs or anything of the sort. It's just a constant pressure all around you to always. Look. Good.
In all honesty part of me cannot wait to just have my baby so I can get my body back and feel nice again. Unrealistic I know. But then the other part of me is happy to see my round belly grow, and to buy new clothes because the old ones don't fit, because whats happening inside my body is a wonderful, natural thing. My baby is growing and thriving and I just have to try and not feel guilty about what I'm eating because I'm hungry and it is nourishing the child inside me. It is hard, very hard. But I need to embrace the changes and embrace myself.
Staying positive, and talking about it. Most women won't talk about these things but they are so, so important. Because in the end we are all the same and we are not alone.
Friday, 21 March 2014
So we had our 20 week scan today, everything was normal and healthy, if somewhat difficult! Just like last time at our 12 week scan, baby just did not want to play ball. He/she is probably sat in there thinking "Fuck you sonographer lady!". I can just imagine it. Living life on it's own terms just like mummy and daddy.
As you can see, baby is lying upside down and all curled up, right at the bottom of my womb. Explains why all the movement I've felt has been really low down. Sometimes I swear it just bounces on my bladder for fun, and from the looks of this picture I was exactly right!
I am very happy just to know that baby is doing well, although my other half is not so impressed. He is dying to know the sex; he would love to have a son to do manly outdoorsy things with, although I'm sure if it's a girl she will be a tough little tomboy anyway!
More updates coming soon guys ;)